Falling in love may not be a conscious choice, but what you do with your infatuation does. If you found someone on matrimonial websites and you are attracted to someone you do not have to do anything with it. Suppose you notice that your colleague and you have a click, an ‘exciting, romantic click.’ You like each other and you notice that butterflies start to flutter in your stomach.
What do you do?
It is important that you make a choice before the butterflies in your stomach take over from your common sense. Because once the hormones are screaming through your body and your head is stunned with falling in love, it is too late. So what do you choose when you fall in love with someone who already has a relationship? It is not convenient to fall for someone who is married, because chances are that it will not be between you. Of course, there are exceptions where it ends well. But there are more cases where it went wrong.
Falling in love with someone who does not suit you
It is also not convenient to be led by falling in love when you feel in advance and know that someone does not really suit you. Maybe you have experienced that yourself. You have met someone on matrimonial website and you feel more and more jitters in your stomach? But you also notice that you are often not on the same line. You do not like his jokes, his behavior sometimes irritates you and he thinks about things very differently from you. But yes, you feel those jitters in your stomach.
If you are attracted to someone, that does not always mean that someone will also suit you. And that is an important condition for a super relationship: someone who really suits you.
You do not always have to be guided by your emotions. If you are angry, for example, you can go along with your anger, but you can just let it go. You do not have to be guided by the chemical process ‘being in love’, however real it feels. It does not always say something about whether someone can be the right partner for you.
Do you look in the same direction?
Being in love is nice, but that’s about. You do not keep staring each other in the eye forever. As Antoine de Saint-Exupéry writes in his book ‘The little prince’: ‘Experience teaches us that love does not consist in looking at two people, but looking together in the same direction.’
Do you find the same things important in life, do you have the same expectation of life and do you have enough common interests? And certainly not unimportant, do your characters fit together? In the end it is all about the basis. If the base is good you can build.
But then you have to want to build the same dream. Suppose it is your dream to have a big family and your lover already has a child and absolutely no longer wants children. He is very positive about that. You can then think: he will probably change his mind and you will go for the relationship. But it becomes clearer to you that he really does not want a child anymore.
Or your new love has a rather exuberant character and he needs a lot of attention. Yours, but also his surroundings. He loves parties and people around him and you do not have to. Even though you find it fun to go out and meet his friends, you find it nicer to be together. Cozy home, together to the movie or invite friends for a dinner. You think and hope that he will change, but then it appears that this will not happen and that you are too different.
In both cases you could have saved yourself grief and perhaps even a broken heart. Always ask yourself ‘whether you are looking the same way’ and then decide whether you want a relationship with someone. And you have this choice at the beginning, before the butterflies in your stomach take over your common sense.