When a marriage is in trouble, there are steps you can take before hitting the door and calling it quits. If you’re both committed to making the marriage work, it’s best to start changing your ways at the first signs of trouble. There are many things you can do to save your marriage if you act fast and don’t wait till you are past the point of no return.
Make Time for Each Other
Between children, work and outside interests, many marriages suffer from lack of attention. The couple has forgotten how to spend time together, forgotten the love they once had and need to be reminded of their unity. They have to stop focusing on the children, work and hobbies and infuse their marriage with attention usually reserved for outside interests. Although you want your together time to happen naturally, sometimes you need to move things around and adjust your schedule so that you can find time together. Send the kids to bed early or take a lunch break together while the children are at school. Make time!
This is an all-encompassing idea that doesn’t mean one night out at a restaurant or the movies. It’s about nurturing each other, paying attention and loving each other on a daily basis. It could be a walk in the park together, snuggling during a movie or any other way that will help bridge the connections that have been lost. It means devoting some time exclusively to each other like when the couple used to date. Whether you watch a movie together at home or hire a babysitter for a night out, it’s about spending romantic and personal time together to re-ignite the flame that once was.
Stop the Blame Game
If the couple is making an effort to save the marriage, resentments and blaming must be left behind. Each person must take ownership of their contribution to the initial problem without placing blame on their partner. They are both responsible for the state of the relationship and have to find a way to voice their concerns without placing blame. It makes their partner defensive and doesn’t solve any problems. Name calling and finger pointing will erode the marriage instead of fixing it. The key is communication. Take the time to sit down and talk about what each of you expect from the other partner. Talk about what frustrates you and what makes you feel sad. It helps to get your feelings out so that your partner can understand how you are feeling and what you expect from the relationship.
Many couples who have been together for years are unable to recapture the love they once had. There are too many hurt feelings. A marriage counselor can work with the couple as a neutral third party to bring some much needed distance and clarity to the relationship. A professional could be the answer to keeping a couple together. If you can’t communicate without yelling or arguing, a marriage counselor may be able to help a couple communicate by mediating the conversation and making sure it stays productive.
If none of the previous steps work, the couple could have a trial separation. They live apart so they can create some distance to evaluate the relationship. The couple can find that they miss their partner terribly, or they might find that a divorce is indeed the answer. According to a San Jose divorce attorney, it’s best to contact an attorney in the case even if you both agree on how you will divide assets and child custody. A small mistake in paperwork of filing could lead to huge frustrations later.
Couples devoted to saving their marriage can take one or all of these steps to saving it. Remember, both partners will need to be committing to working hard and making changes. When both partners commit to change, it is most often a marriage worth saving. Divorce is a big step and it should not be taken lightly.